i am so sad...

mom scolded me today and it's all because sis bang the door...yes...she started to feel annoying..and yes...my mom is annoyed...and she can't control herself..saying herself how kelian she is..how suffer she is...everyone is dis family good la...dad went work...sometime din come back for few days...sis can drive herself...if dun happy..den can go out..some more outside got BF sayang...mom leh...when she feel stress...den scold scold scold...she got nth to do but just to scold ppl...how about me???did they think about my feeling??i never felt so sad before...today when i wash toilet..i was thinking...wad am i living for??to make everybody happy??to let ppl scold??until today..i dunno wad am i living for..i dun think i am living for myself...since i was little..when i start to study at tadika..i felt so worried...because i always get no 2 in the class...my mom ask me..why can't i bet the gal and no 1 for her..dat time..she was smiling while asking me..and i din take it serious..until i study primary skol..i still did no get the no 1 for my mom...and when i was standard 1...i remembered..i veli scare of exam de...because everytime when the exam came..i have to study very hard..because mom will write some question for me...and if i dunno how to answer...she will scold me till dead...i really veli scare of exam..and got once..i got 88% for my math...dat time..mom really unhappy..and scold me..from right the way from skol back to hse....right from dinner until bedtime..and yes...i still remember..my dad ask why mom scold me..and my mom say i got 88% for my math...dat time dad was so happy...and say i got good result..why??why??why mom never said dat i am good when i was good???all i remember is...when i got bad result..she will scold me till dead....and when i got good result...i've been scolded..scolded for weeks...for months...sometime even until the next exam...and until the next exam..when i got bad result again...she will take back the previous result and compare wif it...and when i got better result..she din say anything..sometime even get worst...she scolded me...why i oli improve so little...i really have a bad childhood...i really dunno why i live for...to study..to get good result..mom said...a good result is for ur own good..not for mine...but actually...she dunno wad am i thinking...i just wan her to care for me when i got bad result and say : " ah gal arr..dun be too sad for ur result...just study hard next time lo..."i really veli scare whenever we need to give parents sign the result book...becos dad always not here and mom will scold me when she see my result...dat's why..sometime i am the last to handle in the result book...becos i really scare dat my mom will scold...schooling days really make me happy..becos when i'm in the skol..i dun need to think of those unhappy thing..it is weird dat every time when i face my fren..i feel so happy and i will forgot the pain in my heart...serious...i am happy wif my frens...

mom always ask me...why i din tell her how i feel..or tell her wad i wan...becos i noe...if i tell her..she won't agree wif wad i wan...and she will state out a lot reason dat make u feel so unhappy...sometime when i went shopping wif her..i wanna buy something i like...she will like show those unhappy face...or when i wanna go in some shop to see some shirt arr...stationary arr..she will ask me go myself..wad for i ask her out wif me ??just to pay??dat's not wad i wan neh...i wanna let her noe..wad thing i like..my taste..the thing i like....after buying those things..if i din use(because doesn't need to use)she will scold like hell again..there's nth to do but just to scold scold and scold oli...